Counseling

5 Ways to Help Anxious Attachment and Love More Securely

2018-05-23T02:25:23+00:00

Knowing your attachment style can be incredibly helpful in any relationship, but especially in your romantic ones. Attachment styles are how we learn to relate to the people we care about, formed by how our parents/caregivers treated our emotional and physical well-being when we were young. Anxious attachment is just one of those styles.  If you have an anxious attachment style, you probably learned from aloof or often absent caregivers that to get love, you need to be constantly vigilant, control your environment, and keep others very close to you. When your loved ones leave or need space, you have a strong anxiety [...]

5 Ways to Help Anxious Attachment and Love More Securely2018-05-23T02:25:23+00:00

5 Ways To Help Avoidant Attachment and Create Security Now

2018-05-23T02:19:42+00:00

5 Ways To Help Avoidant Attachment and Create Security Now Knowing your attachment style, or how you relate to the people you love, can be incredibly helpful in romantic relationships. Attachment styles reflect how we were parented, and as most parents are fallible, our attachment styles aren't always secure. Avoidant attachment is one of these styles.  If you’re an avoidant attacher, you probably learned from your parents/caregivers that reaching out for comfort when you were upset or in pain would lead to rejection. Or, it’s possible that the help you received was not actually supportive. You learned very young how to [...]

5 Ways To Help Avoidant Attachment and Create Security Now2018-05-23T02:19:42+00:00

Are You An Avoidant Attacher?

2018-04-13T19:38:54+00:00

See if any of these scenarios feel familiar to you:   You’re arguing with your partner and start to feel overwhelmed. Even though they’re asking you to stay, you need to get out of there. You leave and ignore your partner’s calls for several days.   Your partner wants to snuggle up with you on the couch, but you start to feel annoyed and angry with their clingy and needy behavior.   You seem to be the one who is “logical” in your relationship, and your partner seems to always want to talk about feelings and emotions.   You had an [...]

Are You An Avoidant Attacher?2018-04-13T19:38:54+00:00

What People Are Not Talking About Around Consent

2018-04-13T19:48:05+00:00

  The conversation about consent has reached a fever pitch and is getting some well-deserved attention that allows us to look more closely at how we approach sex in dating and beyond. But there’s still something missing; something that I see in my couples counseling practice more often than you would believe: There’s no conversation about how extremely difficult it is for people to talk about sex in general. I get it. We’re a society that arose from puritanical values, and sex is an uncomfortable  topic. But I have seen couples who have been together for years, married for decades, and [...]

What People Are Not Talking About Around Consent2018-04-13T19:48:05+00:00

Avoid This Mistake Made by Most Divorced Couples

2018-04-13T19:34:11+00:00

  Pitching the idea of going to couples counseling to your partner is uncomfortable, to be sure, maybe even scary. It can be difficult to address getting counseling because, once the fight is over, you don’t want to rock the precarious boat that finally feels somewhat okay. Maybe you don’t think couples counseling will help because you can figure it out on your own, without talking to a stranger. Do you think that asking your partner to go to therapy with you means that you’re falling apart? A really common belief is that a couple shouldn’t go to counseling until something [...]

Avoid This Mistake Made by Most Divorced Couples2018-04-13T19:34:11+00:00

Are You Anxiously Attached? Here’s How to Find Out

2018-04-01T02:25:21+00:00

Imagine this scenario: You’re in a disagreement with your partner and things are getting heated. In the middle of the fight, your partner says, “Fine! I’m leaving and going to a friend’s house. I can’t deal with you right now.” How do you feel? If you answered shaky, nervous, abandoned, panicky, or inconsolable, you might be anxiously attached. Attachment styles are the framework of how we relate to being close to and dependent on someone. Usually, we learn how to attach to our loved ones from our primary caregivers when we were children.  Our attachment style is also related to how [...]

Are You Anxiously Attached? Here’s How to Find Out2018-04-01T02:25:21+00:00

Is Your Diet Making You Depressed? How Food Helps Dictate Your Wellbeing

2018-03-30T08:56:12+00:00

  Do you have a sense of how your diet and exercise contribute to your wellbeing and mood? Many of the clients that I see complaining of anxiety, depression, lethargy, or sleeplessness are surprised when I ask about their food and caffeine intake. It’s not that they don’t care what goes into their body, but oftentimes they’re unaware of how what they eat and drink is affecting their system. A therapist friend of mine was having low level anxiety in the morning that got so bad on BART one day that she had to get off the train and get some [...]

Is Your Diet Making You Depressed? How Food Helps Dictate Your Wellbeing2018-03-30T08:56:12+00:00

On Getting Fired

2013-06-07T00:10:06+00:00

Getting fired is a lot like going through a breakup.  It can be devastating, relieving, shocking, really difficult, surprisingly easy or all of the above.  It shakes your stability and your routine. If getting fired from your job is in the devastating category, here are a few tips: 1) Remember that getting fired is like a death.  With death comes grieving and a lot of feelings.  Grieving typically has 5 stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.  You might catch yourself bargaining "If only I had just done this project on time then maybe I wouldn't have lost the job."  Or [...]

On Getting Fired2013-06-07T00:10:06+00:00

Transforming Hopelessness- Tip of the week: Don’t be afraid of what you don’t know

2012-02-08T00:42:33+00:00

Sometimes when I am working with clients they feel hopeless because they have identified that there is something that they don't know how to do.  Sometimes this is a capacity that they haven't learned (such as creating boundaries or sharing from their heart).  In other cases it is a practical skill that was never taught to them (bookkeeping, scheduling).  Sometimes it is just that the future is unknown, and they want it to be known, dependable. Here is a tip that can really relieve a lot of stress: There is great beauty and blessings in not knowing.   First of all, [...]

Transforming Hopelessness- Tip of the week: Don’t be afraid of what you don’t know2012-02-08T00:42:33+00:00

Transforming Hopelessness #2

2015-06-08T22:38:09+00:00

"The doorway To your creation Is your wanting. Desire gave birth To the world.   Let yourself want my friend, Each wish is a blessed Treasure.   Let yourself want my friend, The Earth longs To hear your Whisper.   Let yourself want my friend, For your yearnings Are not too big, Not impossible In the scope of all That is.   Let yourself want my friend, I promise it won’t break you But bring you closer To your Greatest Power. " -Sefora Janel Ray   Wanting.  Desire.  Longing.  It's crazy how we can sometimes keep ourselves from really feeling what [...]

Transforming Hopelessness #22015-06-08T22:38:09+00:00

Carried

2011-08-18T19:44:27+00:00

The eagle soars In circles Just for the pleasure Of the wind Under its body. You too Are carried By the winds of the world. To feel The currents holding you up, Fall Toward your joy.

Carried2011-08-18T19:44:27+00:00

Transforming Hopelessness #1

2011-08-17T18:27:35+00:00

Hopelessness—it hits most of us, one time or another. Sometimes I feel like most of my clients are trying to convince me that some part of their lives is hopeless.  They have all kinds of reasons that they can't have the relationship, the career, the health, the money or the peace that they want.  At the same time, a part of them desperately wants to know that it is actually not hopeless after all.  It's like a clash of the two movies "Reality Bites" and "Field of Dreams".  One part of them is despondent and depressed, and the other part is hoping beyond [...]

Transforming Hopelessness #12011-08-17T18:27:35+00:00

The Dragon’s in Our Lives

2011-08-16T21:28:46+00:00

I love this poem from Rilke: "Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love." I think about it a lot when I am working with my clients.  So often we have strong feelings of pain, jealousy, disgust or rage that seem like awful feelings.  In a way, those feelings are dragons.  They seem gnarly and evil, snarling at us to pay attention to them.  They also feel out of control and like [...]

The Dragon’s in Our Lives2011-08-16T21:28:46+00:00

Inspiration from Rilke

2011-08-14T06:42:26+00:00

Believe that with your feelings and your work you are taking part in the greatest; the more strongly you cultivate this belief, the more will reality and the world go forth from it. Rainer Maria Rilke

Inspiration from Rilke2011-08-14T06:42:26+00:00