If you have an anxious attachment style when dating, it can be difficult to make relationships work. Fortunately, there are strategies that can help you manage your anxiety and build positive connections with others. Learn about four practical approaches to dealing with a nervous attachment style when dating here.
Learn to Recognize & Respond to Subconscious Anxiety-Based Reactions.
It’s important to recognize when your subconscious is triggering anxious responses, so that you can make more informed decisions. Pay attention to the thoughts and emotions you’re having in moments of tension and take a step back to evaluate before reacting. In particular, notice if you are feeling like you need to have an immediate response from someone, or if you interpret certain actions as signs of rejection. Ask yourself questions such as “Am I feeling scared or insecure? Am I overreacting?” Taking a moment to center yourself and make an educated decision will help you cope better with any apprehension associated with dating. People with anxious attachment have a history of being disappointed and so can find themselves anticipating that disappointment as they make themselves vulnerable.
Pay Attention To How You Cling
In addition, observe how you’re acting and responding. People with an anxious attachment style often cling to their date too tightly or create more distance than necessary, which can be damaging when not in check. If you find yourself reaching out more and expecting too much from your partner all at once, try to pace yourself. You may find it helpful to make boundaries ahead of time instead of in the moment. Instead of rushing into one significant gesture, break it into a few small ones in order to develop a healthier bond and build trust over time. This will help ease any anxiousness you may feel around dating.
Recognize People With Secure Attachment
One of the best things you can do is to understand what it looks like when people are securely attached. Generally, people who are securely attached like being in relationships. They will respond back to you and support you when you are in need. Often someone who is anxiously attached will date someone avoidant and continue to not get their needs met. This then makes them more anxious and the whole cycle keeps repeating. Know what red flags are present when someone is not secure and have clear boundaries on not continuing to date those people.
Lastly, remember to be compassionate with yourself. Anxiousness can cause us to give in to the fear that we’re not “good enough” or undeserving of love, so keep telling yourself positive affirmations like “I am worthy of finding meaningful companionship and I trust myself to make safe and healthy decisions when it comes to dating.” Taking actionable steps and having an awareness about your anxious responses can help you manage them better so that you can take comfort in knowing that you are in control.
The main takeaway here is to practice self-reflection and become aware of your subconscious anxieties when dating. According to psychology experts, understanding your anxious attachment style can help you better identify the signs and triggers of it, whether that be through hesitation in trying something new or getting too attached too quickly. Your first step should be to establish healthy boundaries instead of letting anxieties compromise them. Don’t hesitate to take some time for yourself and recognize when feelings begin to become troublesome; this will ultimately benefit both you and your potential partner.