Let’s say for a moment that you have decided you are ready to date, and find a partner that meets you in all the deepest ways, to create the love you know you deserve.
And lets just say that you have done a ton of work on yourself already. You consider yourself to be a leader, emotionally mature, highly intuitive and a great communicator.
But you haven’t been able to create a healthy secure relationship-or maybe you just haven’t created one for a long time.
Are you being too picky?
The short answer is, probably not.
Being picky is NOT the thing that is keeping you from being in a close intimate relationship. (and to be fair, everybody has nuance so with that aside)…
Usually it’s not being picky that keeps you from the best sex of your life. Or the most amazing connection and intimacy. Or the hunky/mature leader/best friend partner that you are yearning for.
Usually it’s…drumroll…3 things:
- Ambivalence (lack of consistency in putting yourself out there)
- Not knowing the right deal breakers (aka not understanding secure attachment)
- Not Embodying and Holding the practices and attitude of someone securely attached.
Without spending too much time shouting on the mountain today, I want to at least underline this.
You should, if you are single, at the very least expect secure attached behavior when dating. At the very least, those behaviors should (in my not so humble opinion) be deal breakers.
Now, does that mean that you can’t partner up with someone who’s not secure and get secure in the relationship?
Sure….you can definitely do that.
But, if you are dating, and you are tired of dysfunctional dynamics that leave you feeling like a wiped out-overextended- starved for attention luny…
Then study and expect secure functioning in relationships.
The study part, could be easier for some, harder for others.
It took me sitting with couples for hundreds of hours before I really got secure functioning in my bones.
Which is why I’m personally dedicated to helping others get it faster and easier.
PS, if you haven’t heard, I’m doing a thing.
It’s free, and it’s all about the Secrets to Healing Anxious Attachment!👇
If you are interested in learning more, I have a free master class:you can watch now.
Wishing you all the most yummy, consistent and secure love,