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Relationship issues

Things to look for when you want to be in a secure relationship while dating

2021-06-16T22:33:37+00:00

So you have decided you want to relationship but you don’t want to date people who are unavailable or avoidant. Here are some things that you should be on the lookout for: Do they actually want a relationship? Do they like being in relationship? Do they know how to be a good partner? (you will need to define what being a “good partner” means, but generally: listens to you, is thoughtful, plans time with you, asks you how you are doing, responds compassionately, supports you when you are low or in need, is attuned to you specifically, remembering things you tell [...]

Things to look for when you want to be in a secure relationship while dating2021-06-16T22:33:37+00:00

How Learning to Facilitate PACT for Couples Helped Me Finally Meet the Love of My Life

2021-06-16T20:28:51+00:00

I had no idea when I took the PACT training to become a couples therapist that it would affect my personal life so dramatically. I can confidently say now that the reason I’m in a secure relationship is because I took the PACT training and learned how my attachment style affected my dating life. Through PACT, I gained the understanding and skills that helped me to find the love of my life and to create a fully supportive partnership. I’m a therapist, so I knew for years that I had what is known in PACT as the wave style of [...]

How Learning to Facilitate PACT for Couples Helped Me Finally Meet the Love of My Life2021-06-16T20:28:51+00:00

5 Ways to Help Anxious Attachment and Love More Securely

2019-07-23T23:07:29+00:00

Knowing your attachment style can be incredibly helpful in any relationship, but especially in your romantic ones. Attachment styles are how we learn to relate to the people we care about, formed by how our parents/caregivers treated our emotional and physical well-being when we were young. Anxious attachment is just one of those styles.  If you have an anxious attachment style, you probably learned from aloof or often absent caregivers that to get love, you need to be constantly vigilant, control your environment, and keep others very close to you. When your loved ones leave or need space, you have a strong anxiety [...]

5 Ways to Help Anxious Attachment and Love More Securely2019-07-23T23:07:29+00:00

5 Ways To Help Avoidant Attachment and Create Security Now

2018-05-23T02:19:42+00:00

5 Ways To Help Avoidant Attachment and Create Security Now Knowing your attachment style, or how you relate to the people you love, can be incredibly helpful in romantic relationships. Attachment styles reflect how we were parented, and as most parents are fallible, our attachment styles aren't always secure. Avoidant attachment is one of these styles.  If you’re an avoidant attacher, you probably learned from your parents/caregivers that reaching out for comfort when you were upset or in pain would lead to rejection. Or, it’s possible that the help you received was not actually supportive. You learned very young how to [...]

5 Ways To Help Avoidant Attachment and Create Security Now2018-05-23T02:19:42+00:00

Are You An Avoidant Attacher?

2019-07-23T23:40:19+00:00

See if any of these scenarios feel familiar to you:   You’re arguing with your partner and start to feel overwhelmed. Even though they’re asking you to stay, you need to get out of there. You leave and ignore your partner’s calls for several days.   Your partner wants to snuggle up with you on the couch, but you start to feel annoyed and angry with their clingy and needy behavior.   You seem to be the one who is “logical” in your relationship, and your partner seems to always want to talk about feelings and emotions.   You had an [...]

Are You An Avoidant Attacher?2019-07-23T23:40:19+00:00

What People Are Not Talking About Around Consent

2018-04-13T19:48:05+00:00

  The conversation about consent has reached a fever pitch and is getting some well-deserved attention that allows us to look more closely at how we approach sex in dating and beyond. But there’s still something missing; something that I see in my couples counseling practice more often than you would believe: There’s no conversation about how extremely difficult it is for people to talk about sex in general. I get it. We’re a society that arose from puritanical values, and sex is an uncomfortable  topic. But I have seen couples who have been together for years, married for decades, and [...]

What People Are Not Talking About Around Consent2018-04-13T19:48:05+00:00

Avoid This Mistake Made by Most Divorced Couples

2018-04-13T19:34:11+00:00

  Pitching the idea of going to couples counseling to your partner is uncomfortable, to be sure, maybe even scary. It can be difficult to address getting counseling because, once the fight is over, you don’t want to rock the precarious boat that finally feels somewhat okay. Maybe you don’t think couples counseling will help because you can figure it out on your own, without talking to a stranger. Do you think that asking your partner to go to therapy with you means that you’re falling apart? A really common belief is that a couple shouldn’t go to counseling until something [...]

Avoid This Mistake Made by Most Divorced Couples2018-04-13T19:34:11+00:00

Are You Anxiously Attached? Here’s How to Find Out

2019-07-23T23:28:48+00:00

Imagine this scenario: You’re in a disagreement with your partner and things are getting heated. In the middle of the fight, your partner says, “Fine! I’m leaving and going to a friend’s house. I can’t deal with you right now.” How do you feel? If you answered shaky, nervous, abandoned, panicky, or inconsolable, you might be anxiously attached. Attachment styles are the framework of how we relate to being close to and dependent on someone. Usually, we learn how to attach to our loved ones from our primary caregivers when we were children.  Our attachment style is also related to [...]

Are You Anxiously Attached? Here’s How to Find Out2019-07-23T23:28:48+00:00

Assuming The Best Of Your Partner

2018-02-28T07:23:46+00:00

When your partner is really making you angry, do you assume that they’re doing it because they’re trying to piss you off? Or assume that they don’t care, or that they’re just mean, or lazy? You’re not alone. Many of the couples that I work with have a tendency to assume the worst about their partner. For example, when their partner is running late, the immediate assumption is something like, “They don’t care about me, that’s why.” Sometimes people jump to, “She never thinks about my feelings,” or, “He just can’t prioritize me.” I hate to break it to you -- [...]

Assuming The Best Of Your Partner2018-02-28T07:23:46+00:00

Why Taking Space Isn’t the Only Option For Cooling Off During a Fight

2017-10-18T01:36:14+00:00

Many couples think that the best way to get through a conflict is to take space from each other to cool off. Unfortunately, taking space isn’t always an option. There are times when you need to make a quick decision, you’re stuck in the car together, or you are at an event where you can’t take space and staying connected is preferable. The couples in my practice don’t often realize that the words they use with each other are magical. Just as words can aggravate and disconnect you from your partner, they can also calm an angry partner and help them [...]

Why Taking Space Isn’t the Only Option For Cooling Off During a Fight2017-10-18T01:36:14+00:00

It’s Not About the Content

2017-10-18T01:52:32+00:00

Content versus connection Oftentimes when I’m working with clients, their central concern is a desire to discuss issues about work, money, children, or their sex life: aka content What couples often don't understand is that it is very difficult to talk about any kind of content if you are not connected to each other. Trying to talk about important issues while you’re feeling defended or angry leads to fighting, and the content gets lost. The trick to getting through content together is managing the connection you have with your partner. As soon as you realize that you are disconnecting, try to [...]

It’s Not About the Content2017-10-18T01:52:32+00:00

How Curiosity can Save Your Relationship

2015-06-08T21:38:56+00:00

When your relationship is in strife it can feel like the world is falling apart.  We can feel even more alone, hopeless and seperate than when we are single.   However, when relationships are going well they can be the thing that bolster our lives and help us be our greatest selves.   The Dynamic: There is a common dynamic that I see over and over again in relationships.  It’s where one partner (Let’s call them “the Frustrated One”) starts lecturing or talking to the other partner (Let’s call them “the Impatient Listener”) in a critical and sometimes patronizing tone. It happens all of the [...]

How Curiosity can Save Your Relationship2015-06-08T21:38:56+00:00
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