Relationship issues

A Story Illustrating How Attachment Wounds Limit Our Ability to Receive

What if you knew that support was available to you all the time?  Anytime you needed it? And what if you knew that even the most complicated, nuanced, specific, loving, support was available to you whenever you needed?

I'm sefora!

I have been a transformational leader and coach for over 20 years. As a therapist, I am trained in how psychobiology affects your relationships and how to create secure attachment. I studied attachment work for 2 decades both personally and professionally. Changing your attachment style is possible. I'll be honest, it takes grit! But there are things that most people can learn that can improve their attachment in relationships. 


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What if you knew that support was available to you all the time? 

Anytime you needed it? 

And what if you knew that even the most complicated, nuanced, specific, loving, support was available to you whenever you needed?

It’s true, you get to have unlimited support in this life.

If you’re like me, and you have any kind of attachment wounding, that can be a truth that’s hard to believe. 

Let me tell you a story from my own life that demonstrates this really clearly. 

I’ve been in a secure and loving relationship for a while now, and on the relationship front things have been pretty great. But guess what? Attachment wounding has this sneaky way of showing up and messing with all kinds of relationships. 

Recently, it decided to pop its head up in my relationship with my little munchkin’s sleep.

So, I’ve got this adorable 16-month-old son who’s never been the best sleeper. He’s a cutie, no doubt, but getting him to snooze has always been a challenge. We’ve tried everything under the sun, reading countless books on sleep methods for kiddos. But here’s the thing: none of them felt right. They all seemed to involve some version of letting the poor kiddo cry it out, and that just didn’t jive with my therapeutic values and understanding of how our nervous systems develop. 

(Not that I am throwing shade at any parents doing sleep training, we all have to survive parenting in the ways that feel right to us).

Now, picture me sitting around with my friends, venting on my high horse about the lack of sleep methods that honor the child’s needs without resorting to a lack of child attunement. It was frustrating, to say the least. Did I mention I was sleep deprived and running on fumes? 

Meanwhile, I was knee-deep in creating my course about anxious attachment, which emphasizes the truth that support is always available. And here’s where the magic happened.

One day, it hit me like a ton of fluffy pillows. I realized that I had been limiting myself by assuming there was no one out there who could provide the very specific kind of sleep support I was looking for. 

Guess what? Turns out, I had been following this awesome person for months who shared my exact philosophy on sleep training. 

They offered personalized sessions that focused on sleep support that emphasized attunement and meeting the child’s needs. How did I miss that?  I had been in my own way.

Long story short, I reached out to these sleep consultants, and boy, did we make some major breakthroughs. We’re not talking perfect sleep just yet, but let me tell you, I feel more equipped and supported in finding approaches that align with my values. 

It’s incredible to realize that there are experts and compassionate souls out there who truly get where you’re coming from and can offer you exactly the support you need.

Now, here’s the important part: this little personal story of mine sheds light on how our childhood mindset can sometimes block us from finding the support and resources that are right there for the taking. 

As someone with anxious attachment tendencies, I know how easy it is to believe that we’re too unique or difficult to get the right kind of help, or the right kind of relationship. But here’s the thing—I’m here to tell you that it’s just not true. 

You are not alone, my friend. There are people who understand your unique circumstances and can lend a helping hand.  

There are people who can love you in exactly the way you need to be loved–and for those of you who are partnered, that person might already be sitting right next to you!

If you’re facing similar challenges or feeling trapped by limiting beliefs, I want you to know that there’s hope. 

You can break free from those patterns and find the support and understanding you truly deserve. 

Ready to take the next step? Let’s dive into exploring your attachment style and uncovering how it influences your relationships.  Not sure what your attachment style is? I’ve got just the thing for you—the Attachment Quiz!

Maybe you know you are anxiously attached and you are ready to get all that support starting yesterday? I Gottchu. Learn all about my program that helps you start your journey from Anxious to Secure.

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