Transforming Hopelessness- Tip of the week: Don’t be afraid of what you don’t know

Transforming Hopelessness

I'm sefora!

I have been a transformational leader and coach for over 20 years. As a therapist, I am trained in how psychobiology affects your relationships and how to create secure attachment. I studied attachment work for 2 decades both personally and professionally. Changing your attachment style is possible. I'll be honest, it takes grit! But there are things that most people can learn that can improve their attachment in relationships. 

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Sometimes when I am working with clients they feel hopeless because they have identified that there is something that they don’t know how to do.  Sometimes this is a capacity that they haven’t learned (such as creating boundaries or sharing from their heart).  In other cases it is a practical skill that was never taught to them (bookkeeping, scheduling).  Sometimes it is just that the future is unknown, and they want it to be known, dependable.

Here is a tip that can really relieve a lot of stress: There is great beauty and blessings in not knowing.

 

First of all, if you are able to identify something that you don’t know how to do, it  is a great opportunity.  If you know you don’t know something, you can learn about it from an expert.  Admitting that you don’t know something allows you to reach out to others that do know a lot about that thing.  There are a lot of experts out there and this is the information age, where a lot of expert information is free.  If you pretend like to you do know something that you don’t, you are not allowing yourself to learn from people who have a lot to teach you.

Secondly, there is great freedom in the mystery of the unknown.  So many of us are brought up to pretend like we have all of our stuff together all of the time.  Allowing yourself to not know can be a huge relief.  It can actually free up a lot of energy that you have been using to “know it all”.  Not knowing can bring back wonder.  In this age when we wonder something, it is not uncommon for someone to say “let’s google it” to find out the answer.   Although the power of having that information at our fingertips is incredible, sometimes it leads to a lack of wonder and awe about life.  The world is full of incredible things that can amaze and awe us.  That amazement and wonder can be present when you don’t know something. It can lead to excitement for how things will unfold.

So, let yourself try it this week.

1) Try not knowing and let yourself learn from an expert.

2) Try not knowing and see if you can feel the power and mystery of wondering how it will all unfold.

Let me know how it goes!

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Real talk:

In an era of psychobable, social media pop-psychology, and a landscape where you can toss your hat and have it land on another “coach”, Sefora brings thousands of hours working as a therapist with couples, and 24 years of experience in the transformational industry.

Sefora has a Masters in Counseling Psychology, and is a licensed Marriage Family Therapist with over thirteen years of clinical work under her belt.

She knows how to explain attachment behavior in clear, you-can-take-action-with this-language, so that you can stop spending your time trying to get your needs met, and get back to planning your next blow your mind vacation.

There are a lot of people sharing about attachment styles these days.  You may even have a dusty copy of "Attached" sitting on your shelf.  How is Sefora different?

And Who is this again?

Hey there, I'm Sefora

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