feelings

5 Ways to Help Anxious Attachment and Love More Securely

2018-05-23T02:25:23+00:00

Knowing your attachment style can be incredibly helpful in any relationship, but especially in your romantic ones. Attachment styles are how we learn to relate to the people we care about, formed by how our parents/caregivers treated our emotional and physical well-being when we were young. Anxious attachment is just one of those styles.  If you have an anxious attachment style, you probably learned from aloof or often absent caregivers that to get love, you need to be constantly vigilant, control your environment, and keep others very close to you. When your loved ones leave or need space, you have a strong anxiety [...]

5 Ways to Help Anxious Attachment and Love More Securely2018-05-23T02:25:23+00:00

5 Ways To Help Avoidant Attachment and Create Security Now

2018-05-23T02:19:42+00:00

5 Ways To Help Avoidant Attachment and Create Security Now Knowing your attachment style, or how you relate to the people you love, can be incredibly helpful in romantic relationships. Attachment styles reflect how we were parented, and as most parents are fallible, our attachment styles aren't always secure. Avoidant attachment is one of these styles.  If you’re an avoidant attacher, you probably learned from your parents/caregivers that reaching out for comfort when you were upset or in pain would lead to rejection. Or, it’s possible that the help you received was not actually supportive. You learned very young how to [...]

5 Ways To Help Avoidant Attachment and Create Security Now2018-05-23T02:19:42+00:00

Are You An Avoidant Attacher?

2018-04-13T19:38:54+00:00

See if any of these scenarios feel familiar to you:   You’re arguing with your partner and start to feel overwhelmed. Even though they’re asking you to stay, you need to get out of there. You leave and ignore your partner’s calls for several days.   Your partner wants to snuggle up with you on the couch, but you start to feel annoyed and angry with their clingy and needy behavior.   You seem to be the one who is “logical” in your relationship, and your partner seems to always want to talk about feelings and emotions.   You had an [...]

Are You An Avoidant Attacher?2018-04-13T19:38:54+00:00

What People Are Not Talking About Around Consent

2018-04-13T19:48:05+00:00

  The conversation about consent has reached a fever pitch and is getting some well-deserved attention that allows us to look more closely at how we approach sex in dating and beyond. But there’s still something missing; something that I see in my couples counseling practice more often than you would believe: There’s no conversation about how extremely difficult it is for people to talk about sex in general. I get it. We’re a society that arose from puritanical values, and sex is an uncomfortable  topic. But I have seen couples who have been together for years, married for decades, and [...]

What People Are Not Talking About Around Consent2018-04-13T19:48:05+00:00

Avoid This Mistake Made by Most Divorced Couples

2018-04-13T19:34:11+00:00

  Pitching the idea of going to couples counseling to your partner is uncomfortable, to be sure, maybe even scary. It can be difficult to address getting counseling because, once the fight is over, you don’t want to rock the precarious boat that finally feels somewhat okay. Maybe you don’t think couples counseling will help because you can figure it out on your own, without talking to a stranger. Do you think that asking your partner to go to therapy with you means that you’re falling apart? A really common belief is that a couple shouldn’t go to counseling until something [...]

Avoid This Mistake Made by Most Divorced Couples2018-04-13T19:34:11+00:00

Are You Anxiously Attached? Here’s How to Find Out

2018-04-01T02:25:21+00:00

Imagine this scenario: You’re in a disagreement with your partner and things are getting heated. In the middle of the fight, your partner says, “Fine! I’m leaving and going to a friend’s house. I can’t deal with you right now.” How do you feel? If you answered shaky, nervous, abandoned, panicky, or inconsolable, you might be anxiously attached. Attachment styles are the framework of how we relate to being close to and dependent on someone. Usually, we learn how to attach to our loved ones from our primary caregivers when we were children.  Our attachment style is also related to how [...]

Are You Anxiously Attached? Here’s How to Find Out2018-04-01T02:25:21+00:00

Transforming Hopelessness #1

2011-08-17T18:27:35+00:00

Hopelessness—it hits most of us, one time or another. Sometimes I feel like most of my clients are trying to convince me that some part of their lives is hopeless.  They have all kinds of reasons that they can't have the relationship, the career, the health, the money or the peace that they want.  At the same time, a part of them desperately wants to know that it is actually not hopeless after all.  It's like a clash of the two movies "Reality Bites" and "Field of Dreams".  One part of them is despondent and depressed, and the other part is hoping beyond [...]

Transforming Hopelessness #12011-08-17T18:27:35+00:00

The Dragon’s in Our Lives

2011-08-16T21:28:46+00:00

I love this poem from Rilke: "Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love." I think about it a lot when I am working with my clients.  So often we have strong feelings of pain, jealousy, disgust or rage that seem like awful feelings.  In a way, those feelings are dragons.  They seem gnarly and evil, snarling at us to pay attention to them.  They also feel out of control and like [...]

The Dragon’s in Our Lives2011-08-16T21:28:46+00:00