Hey there,

I want to take a moment to talk about something that’s been on my heart: the idea of permission to enjoy yourself.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the daily grind—stress about work, the state of the world, or even what might happen years from now. Many of us carry beliefs we were taught growing up: that life is hard, that good things require endless work, and that being critical of everything around us is the key to growth.

While there’s some truth in these ideas, I’m committed to something different. I want to feel grounded in the goodness of life. I want to help others—especially my kids—see that life is good, abundant, and full of blessings.

What You Resist Persists

Let me share something personal. When I sat down to record my recent podcast episode, I felt resistance. I almost didn’t do it. But then I reflected on an old adage: What you resist persists.

Resistance is often an opportunity in disguise. So I leaned into it, and what emerged was one of my favorite podcast episodes to date: “Permission to Enjoy Yourself.”

Why Enjoying Life Can Feel So Hard

Cultural narratives often tell us that life is a struggle and that we need to “earn” joy. Advertisements teach us to believe that fulfillment comes from consuming more or improving ourselves endlessly.

One of the most impactful books I’ve read, Constructing the Self, Constructing America by Philip Cushman, explores this concept. He argues that our idea of the self is deeply intertwined with consumption, creating what he calls the “empty self.”

While I’ve dedicated my life to personal growth, I believe one of the most powerful steps we can take is grounding in how good life already is.

The Role of Attachment and Joy

If you’ve followed my work, you know I focus on attachment styles and nervous system regulation.

Did you know that around 50% of people have an insecure attachment style?

Here’s why this matters: People with insecure attachment (anxious, avoidant, or disorganized) often struggle to regulate their nervous systems when stress hits. This means they feel stress more deeply and take longer to recover from challenges.

In contrast, people with secure attachment styles tend to lean into relationships and support systems during hard times. They find resilience in connection, which helps them face difficulties with more ease.

When you have secure attachment, your relationships act as a buffer. You allow yourself to receive support, rest, and joy—even when life feels heavy.

For those with insecure attachment, the opposite is often true. Stress can lead to overwhelm, hypervigilance, or withdrawal. But here’s the good news: You can learn to self-resource and move toward secure attachment, no matter where you start.

What does it mean to support yourself during hard times?
It means allowing yourself to come back to the goodness of life—letting yourself enjoy the things that fill your cup, even when it feels hard to do so.

This isn’t just a “nice-to-have.” It’s essential. It’s how we keep showing up for the people we love, the work we do, and the world we want to create.

Gratitude as a Radical Act

One of my greatest teachers, Joanna Macy, has profoundly shaped how I see the world. Here are two of her quotes that I often reflect on:

• “Gratitude quiets the frantic mind and puts us at ease in the present moment.”
• “Active hope is waking up to the beauty of life on whose behalf we can act.”

Enjoying yourself is not about ignoring life’s difficulties. It’s about grounding in gratitude and allowing yourself to feel good, even in the face of challenges.

Practical Ways to Ground in Goodness

So how do we start giving ourselves permission to enjoy life?

1. Identify what brings you joy. Think of something you love doing—walking in nature, dancing, cooking, or simply petting your dog. Make it a regular part of your life.
2. Notice small moments of beauty. The steam rising from your coffee, the way rain taps against the window, or the smile of a loved one.
3. Reflect on your beliefs. Do you see life as hard and full of struggle, or as full of promise and goodness? If it’s the former, try balancing that perspective.
4. Evaluate your structures. How do your surroundings and routines impact your ability to enjoy life? For me, moving to an eco-village created the support and community I needed to feel less stressed and more connected.

The Invitation

Here’s my challenge to you: Take a moment today to enjoy something fully. Let yourself savor it without guilt or distraction.

Life can be hard, yes. But it’s also beautiful. It’s full of joy, promise, and connection. And when we ground ourselves in that goodness, we become more resilient, more loving, and more able to create the changes we want to see in the world.

Thank you for being part of this small, caring community. Together, let’s embrace the radical act of enjoying ourselves and the world around us.

With love,
Sefora