Moving into march brings more than the premier of Palm Springs on Apple TV,

(love me some Kristen Wiig though).

We’re welcoming in spring (in the Western Hemisphere),

embracing the balance of light and dark,

and *battling the constant mud and dirt dragged in by the kids* (because you know one of the realities of spring is rain and mud and more rain).

Now you might be getting excited with those pruning scissors and ready to just cut-cut-cut everything in your life,

but before you cut those gorgeous locks and all those relationships out of your life, let’s look at some other spring cleaning you can do first.

Here are 4 ways to bring spring cleaning into your relationships and make your relationships more secure:

1) Clean up your Communication

As a couple’s counselor and relationship coach, THE MOST common thing couples call me asking for help in is improving their communication. 

However, what most people overlook is the foundational role that connection plays in fostering open and loving communication. 

They don’t understand is that in order to improve your communication, you often have to improve your connection so that your nervous system feels safe and supported. 

Once your nervous system (and the other person) feels “I’m safe and connected here,” Then it is much easier to be able to communicate in open, loving ways.

So when you are wanting to communicate better in your relationships, think to yourself “what is one way I can improve my connection to this person before I communicate with them?” 

That could look like a hug, sharing a joke, making physical contact, spending time doing a shared activity, or just being present with them for a while before bringing up a touchy subject.

Another tip to clean up your communication in relationship is to spend more time thinking about what you are wanting to create out of your communication, and actually naming that to your partner (or friend/family member). 

Example: I’m really excited about having more adventures with you, or “I really like feeling close to you, and I want to talk with you so we can feel more close.” Lean into the obvious redundancy of this, because when you name that you WANT to experience something with someone, it’s much better than naming what you DON’T WANT to experience with them.

Starting with what you don’t like often leads to defensiveness, protection or withdrawal from the other person.

Speaking of defensiveness….if this is something you know you could use some spring cleaning around, there is no time like today to work on that!

2) Eliminate Bad self talk

Gone is the era of Heroic Self Depreciation, Mean Girls Self Criticism, and *oblivious-to-your-capacity-and-skills-coming-of-age-drama. 

This is the season of owning your worth, carrying your value with humble grace, and treating yourself like you want others to treat you.

Take this spring as an opportunity to release old habits of rejecting yourself as a way to be funny or even to belong. 

Let this be an opportunity for you to stop looking at the mirror and finding flaws, and instead treat the person in the reflection like the treasured human that they are.

Internal dialogue plays a crucial role in relationship dynamics, and negative self-talk can undermine personal well-being and relationship harmony. 

Use this spring-in-my-step-energy to re-commit to self-compassion and reframing internal dialogue can promote a healthier mindset and, by extension, more positive communication patterns.

3) Clear out structures that don’t support connection 

In the pursuit of fostering secure attachment in our relationships, it’s essential to recognize and release any structures in our relationships that actually impede intimacy and connection. 

Like clutter in a house, certain patterns or habits can create barriers between partners, hindering the development of secure attachment bonds. Take a moment to identify these obstacles – whether it’s the pervasive distraction of screens or the habit of prioritizing work over quality time together. 

Habits that can keep a relationship insecure:

• Not working on schedules as a team
• Not looking each other in the eye
• Ignoring each other when one person enters a room
• Not spending time together 1:1
• Interrupting each other
• Dividing tasks unequally
• Keeping secrets, or not sharing
• Drinking too frequently
• Not going to sleep at the same time

Just as a skilled architect assesses a building’s foundation for weaknesses, so too must we assess the structural integrity of our relationships. Instead of assigning blame or pointing fingers, let’s redirect our focus to the structures themselves that keep you disconnected. 

By acknowledging and addressing these as areas of opportunity, we pave the way for a more securely attached relationship.

4) Clear out the cobwebs by tackling past hurts

Finally, just like dust bunnies hiding in forgotten corners, unresolved conflicts can accumulate in our relationships if left unattended. Spring cleaning isn’t just about tidying up the physical space; it’s also about clearing out the emotional clutter that weighs us down. 

So let’s grab our metaphorical brooms and sweep away those lingering hurts and tensions. By facing these conflicts head-on and committing to resolution, we create a fresh, clean slate for our relationship to flourish.

Let’s be honest, *life is too short to keep resentments building!* And if you can’t work through past hurts, then there are larger attachment issues going on that need to be addressed.

Open the *darn* windows, let in the fresh breeze of communication and understanding, and watch as vitality and energy reappear in the relationship.

With each conflict resolved and repaired, you’re laying the groundwork for a stronger, more resilient bond that can weather any storm.

Spring cleaning offers an opportunity to refresh and revitalize your relationship, allowing for deeper connection and mutual understanding. By prioritizing communication, releasing outdated patterns, and addressing unresolved conflicts, couples can lay the groundwork for a thriving and fulfilling partnership.

Embracing Spring is not just about cleaning though, it’s also about planting! Join me next week when we talk about what to plant in your relationships this spring!

If you’re looking for guidance on implementing these strategies or navigating relationship challenges, feel free to reach out to me. I’m here to support you to have healthier, happier relationships.