Who Do You Trust to Help You with Attachment Work?

When it comes to personal growth, especially around attachment and relationships, one crucial question is: Who do you trust to guide you through the process? Whether you’re considering a therapist or a coach, making the right choice can significantly impact your progress and transformation.

Let’s dive into what to look for when finding someone to help you navigate attachment and relationship challenges. This isn’t about throwing shade or sitting on a high horse; it’s about empowering you to make the best decision for your journey. I’ll share my thoughts, biases, and even what I wish I’d known when I was seeking support in my own relationship patterns.

What Most People Look for: Connection and Relatability

The first thing many of us look for in a therapist or coach is simple: Do I like this person?
Do I feel understood? Empathized with? Is there something about them that resonates with my own experiences?

It’s completely normal to want someone who shares a part of your identity—whether it’s your gender, race, or sexuality—or who simply feels relatable. And while this connection is important, it’s just the baseline. When it comes to attachment work, there’s much more to consider.

What to Look for Beyond Relatability

Here are six things I believe you should prioritize when seeking a therapist or coach to help with attachment or relationship work:

1. Someone with Experience Working with Couples

If your focus is attachment or relationship patterns, look for someone who has worked with couples.
Why? Working with couples is challenging. It requires extra training, the ability to manage conflict, and a deep understanding of relational dynamics. Therapists or coaches with this experience are better equipped to identify patterns and offer balanced perspectives. They can challenge you lovingly but firmly when needed—something individual-focused professionals may not always do.

2. Experience and Expertise

Attachment work is nuanced and requires skill. Look for someone who:

Teaches on the subject.
Has advanced training.
Or has significant years of practice.

Be cautious of short training programs that might not provide enough depth or expertise. While everyone starts somewhere, attachment work demands a solid foundation and understanding.

3. Homework and Practical Application

Personal growth is more than just talking about your struggles; it’s about taking actionable steps to create change. Homework—whether it’s journaling, exercises, or reflective practices—can be essential.

For instance:

Anxiously attached individuals may benefit from tools that help them regulate outside of sessions rather than using the session to vent.
Avoidantly attached individuals often need time and space to process. Homework provides them the opportunity to reflect deeply and respond on their terms.

If homework feels overwhelming, it might be worth asking yourself: Am I truly ready to do the work? Growth requires commitment, and this step helps ensure you’re actively participating in your transformation.

4. A Clear Treatment Plan

A good therapist or coach will provide a clear roadmap for your progress.
What are your goals? How will you get there? What’s the timeline?

When I started as a therapist, I didn’t always know how to create structured treatment plans. Over time, I’ve learned how vital it is to articulate a path forward. Without clarity, you risk spinning your wheels without meaningful progress.

5. Someone Who Challenges You with Compassion

Growth often involves confronting uncomfortable truths. Find someone who can gently, but firmly, challenge your patterns. This includes interrupting unhelpful narratives that keep you stuck.

For example:

An anxious client might need help stepping out of their fear of abandonment.
An avoidant client might need encouragement to lean into vulnerability.

The key is finding someone who does this with empathy, acknowledging the childhood wounds or life experiences that shaped your patterns.

6. Someone Who Helps You Resource Yourself

A great therapist or coach doesn’t just help you feel better in the moment—they teach you how to navigate challenges on your own.

Their goal should be to empower you to resource yourself, so you eventually don’t need them anymore. If you leave sessions feeling more grounded, hopeful, and capable, you’re on the right track. The ultimate measure of success? You integrate their teachings into your life so seamlessly that their voice becomes your inner guide.

Why EMDR Might Be a Game-Changer

If you’re working through deep attachment wounds, I highly recommend exploring EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). It’s a powerful technique that can fast-track breakthroughs by processing past traumas and creating new neural pathways. While it’s not appropriate for every session, it can be transformative when used with a skilled, attachment-informed practitioner.

A Final Thought: It’s All Possible for You

Finding the right support is essential, but remember: The work is yours.
Growth requires commitment, courage, and a willingness to embrace change.

With the right therapist or coach, a clear plan, and actionable steps, you can create the love and relationships you’ve always desired. You’re not alone in this—there’s help available, and transformation is within your reach.

So, as you embark on this journey, ask yourself: Who will truly serve me best?
Choose wisely, and trust that lasting change is possible.

If you’re interested in learning more about attachment, relationships, or EMDR, feel free to reach out. I’d love to help you find the right resources to support your growth.

Here’s to powerful, transformational, and effective work—because you deserve it.