But Can You Be Your Own Best Friend?

Sure you can
Complete the hardest problem
In the book
And answer
The trickiest equation.

But can you
Sit with yourself
When you don’t 
Know the answer
And love
Your own company?

Sure you can
Finish all
Of your business
Faster
Than the average Jo.

But can you
Feel the awkwardness
Between you an another
When they cry
And not run away?

Sure you can
Make money
In the market
With some clever
New passing phase.

But can you
Be truly kind
To yourself
When you fail
At something
You long to achieve?

Sure,
You can impress
Me and him, and them over there,
You can make us laugh
And wow us with your charm.

But can you
When faced with your most
Loathing, embarrassing, snotty faced, bare naked self
Be your own best Friend?
Can you speak to yourself
In such a way
That lifts your face to the sky?
That honors your humanity?
Can you bring love and real acceptance
To your most
Vulnerable parts?

Because when you do this
You will know
Deep in your bones
That you
Can truly
Do anything.

-Sefora

On Getting Fired

Getting fired is a lot like going through a breakup.  It can be devastating, relieving, shocking, really difficult, surprisingly easy or all of the above.  It shakes your stability and your routine.

If getting fired from your job is in the devastating category, here are a few tips:

1) Remember that getting fired is like a death.  With death comes grieving and a lot of feelings.  Grieving typically has 5 stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.  You might catch yourself bargaining “If only I had just done this project on time then maybe I wouldn’t have lost the job.”  Or maybe you are in the stage of denial, which could mean that you are not facing the reality of how you will support yourself or get a new job after.  Allow yourself to grieve, forgive yourself and release any feelings connected to being fired.

2)  A lot of the suffering around getting fired is what decisions we make about it or the meaning that we attach to getting fired.  Like a bad breakup when someone says “I’ll never love again,” or “this was my one chance at love” we can feel like the job we lose was our only chance at doing what we want to do in life.  However, we can also make choices and decisions to learn our mistakes and choose something even better for us.  Practice choosing that this is an opportunity for you to come even closer to your dreams.  Practice believing that an even better job is around the corner. Learn what parts of the job you want to recreate, and which parts you want to make even better.  Like relationships, the next one is usually even better.

3) Getting fired is a huge opportunity.  It allows us to pause, take stock, and recreate our lives again.  Although sometimes we are tired of doing this or don’t want to do this, it is better to do it consciously than unconsciously.  Luckily, if you are fired you are often eligible for unemployment, which can help with the process of reevaluating and contemplating next steps.  (It can also sometimes allow for a much needed vacation or road trip!)  This time of transition can allow you to set your North Node or Career goal for the next 5-10 years.  It can help you become more focused and allow your career to be more actualized.

4) Practice self care and being an ally for yourself!  Like with any stressful time, it can be common for our Inner Critic or Super Ego to go buck wild.  We can start blaming ourselves and attacking ourselves for life going the way it has.  Because we are stressed, we might also forget to do the self care practices that keep us sane.  As you go through losing a job, take it as an invitation to step up your self care.  Be as kind to yourself as you can, and spend time doing the things that bring you joy and keep you sane.  Hikes in nature, exercise, time with friends or time alone, meditation, massage, baths, journaling, reading a good book, playing games or spending time with pets are all examples of ways that you can take care of yourself.  Remember that the Inner Critic is especially strong in times of stress.  Practice interrupting self attack and focusing on ways to grow and learn from this experience.