But Can You Be Your Own Best Friend?

Sure you can Complete the hardest problem In the book And answer The trickiest equation. But can you Sit with yourself When you don’t  Know the answer And love Your own company? Sure you can Finish all Of your business Faster Than the average Jo. But can you Feel the awkwardness Between you an another When they cry And not run away? Sure you can Make money In the market With some clever New passing phase. But can you Be truly kind To yourself When you fail At something You long to achieve? Sure, You can impress Me and him, and them over there, You can make us laugh And wow us with your charm. But can you When faced with your most Loathing, embarrassing, snotty faced, bare naked self Be your own best Friend? Can you speak to yourself In such a way That lifts your face to the sky? That honors your humanity? Can you bring love and real acceptance To your most Vulnerable parts? Because when you do this You will know Deep in your bones That you Can truly Do anything. -Sefora Read more »

On Getting Fired

Getting fired is a lot like going through a breakup.  It can be devastating, relieving, shocking, really difficult, surprisingly easy or all of the above.  It shakes your stability and your routine. If getting fired from your job is in the devastating category, here are a few tips: 1) Remember that getting fired is like a death.  With death comes grieving and a lot of feelings.  Grieving typically has 5 stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.  You might catch yourself bargaining “If only I had just done this project on time then maybe I wouldn’t have lost the job.”  Or maybe you are in the stage of denial, which could mean that you are not facing the reality of how you will support yourself or get a new job after.  Allow yourself to grieve, forgive yourself and release any feelings connected to being fired. 2)  A lot of the suffering around getting fired is what decisions we make about it or the meaning that we attach to getting fired.  Like a bad breakup when someone says “I’ll never love again,” or “this was my one chance at love” we can feel like the job we lose was our only chance at doing what we want to do in life.  However, we can also make choices and decisions to learn our mistakes and choose something even better for us.  Practice choosing that this is an opportunity for you to come even closer to your dreams.  Practice believing that an even better job is around the corner. Learn what parts of the job you want to recreate, and which parts you want to make even better.  Like relationships, the next one is usually even better. 3) Getting fired is a huge opportunity.  It allows us to pause, take stock, and recreate our lives again.  Although sometimes we are tired of doing this or don’t want to do this, it is better to do it consciously than unconsciously.  Luckily, if you are fired you are often eligible for unemployment, which can help with the process of reevaluating and contemplating next steps.  (It can also sometimes allow for a much needed vacation or road trip!)  This time of transition can allow you to set your North Node or Career goal for the next 5-10 years.  It can help you become more focused and allow your career to be more actualized. 4) Practice self care and being an ally for yourself!  Like with any stressful time, it can be common for our Inner Critic or Super Ego to go buck wild.  We can start blaming ourselves and attacking ourselves for life going the way it has.  Because we are stressed, we might also forget to do the self care practices that keep us sane.  As you go through losing a job, take it as an invitation to step up your self care.  Be as kind to yourself as you can, and spend time doing the things that bring you joy and keep you sane.  Hikes in nature, exercise, time with friends or time alone, meditation, massage, baths, journaling, reading a good book, playing games or spending time with pets are all examples of ways that you can take care of yourself.  Remember that the Inner Critic is especially strong in times of stress.  Practice interrupting self attack and focusing on ways to grow and learn from this experience. Read more »

20 Questions to Ask Yourself When You are Searching for Your Purpose

Many of my clients come to me unsure about what they want to do with their careers. They do know that they want to make a difference in the world. But they are not sure what they want to do, and how they will support themselves doing that thing. Here are 20 Questions you can ask yourself to get closer at identifying your purpose: 1) What (if anything) do you enjoy doing that you would do all day if you could? 2) Of the activities that you enjoy doing, what in particular is fulfilling about them? 3) What cause are you especially concerned with in the world? (examples: the environment, hunger, homelessness) 4) What skills do you have that helped you in previous jobs? 5) Do you work well in large groups, small groups or working on your own? 6) Are you self motivated and proactive, or do you do better with someone else directing you? 7) What did you fantasize being when you were little? 8) (continued from #7) What seemed exciting about that job or occupation? 9) What if anything would you teach? 10) What makes you happy, brings you joy or makes you smile? 11) Who inspires you the most (authors, teachers, mentors), and what do they do? 12) What is particularly inspiring about the way those people do their work? 13) What do you love to learn about? 14) What do people ask for your help with the most often? 15) What do people compliment you on? 16) If you were going to get a group of friends or acquaintances together, what would be the theme of the gathering? 17) Imagine that you are 90 years old and looking back at your life. You are deeply grateful and happy with the life that you have lived. What did you accomplish that you are the most proud of? What are the relationships and experiences that were of the most value? 18) If you had a large audience in front of you, what would you like to tell them and why? 19) If you had a dream come true, what would it be? 20) What would you do if you couldn’t fail? Know any other questions that are helpful to discovering life purpose? Comment here! Read more »